They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
