I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
