She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
