My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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