I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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