I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
