My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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