"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
