ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
