Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
