so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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