Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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