Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
