everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
