I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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