Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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