Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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