so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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