What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
