first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
