i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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