I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
