Where is the hickey?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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