He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
