I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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