So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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