i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
