Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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