Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
