mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
