dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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