My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
