I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
