so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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