Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I deserve this hangover.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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