turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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