You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
