a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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