You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
