I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
