i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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