I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
