You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
