just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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