I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
