Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
