the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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