Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
