More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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