my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
