HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
