wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
