I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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