Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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