She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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