I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it was like eating out sand paper
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
