My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
