Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
