my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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