I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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