I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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