Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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