if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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