okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
