Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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