i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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