She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
