my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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