I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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