She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
