Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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