Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Someone signed my nipple.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
