I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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