Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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