I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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