Umm I'm too high to move.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
